Monday, October 08, 2007

Not knitting right now

i can't seem to gather myself and start knitting again. I set. The tv is playing in the background, old black and white movies from the 40s and 50s. Can't even concentrate on them enough to know what they are about. I don't have many friends. People don't call me or write to me. My cousin did. Now I'm not ever going to get that phone call again.
I just can't knit now. I can't really read email or do anything.
Did this ever happen to you? I know he loved me and now he is gone. I sure am missing him....

Hey Mike! Hey Mike? Hey...
Cuz?

9 comments:

Prayerful Knitter - Shelly said...

Jeanie, yes, it happened to me last year in November when my grandmother died so tragically. I do understand. I am not completely past it yet, but I am knitting again and recovering steadily.

I will keep you in my prayers every day.

yarnophiliac said...

Jeanie,
I lost my big brother in June of 1994. He was 24 and I was 23. He, too, was taken suddenly -- a drunk driver hit him. It took a VERY, VERY long time to come back to myself. That Thanksgiving, i went to pick up the phone to call and see when he would visit. Yes, I felt just like that -- the will to do anything, enjoy anything, to smile again, was gone for a long, long time. But I did force myself for his sake as much as anything else. I knew he loved me too much to ever want to see me unhappy -- he wanted me to go on and to live, so I tried each day to do one thing "normal". Your cousin surely loved you the same -- let that love carry you on, and remember to take joy in your children and in theirs. It will come, my friend, although life will never be the same. I still desperately miss him, but I can be happy again. Sending you love and comfort...

Sharon said...

I know a hug via cyberspace isn't as comforting as it would be in real life, but I do hope it helps just the tiniest bit by letting you know that there are people out here that will be thinking of you and keeping you in their prayers.

*hugs*

Mothergoose said...

Life is never the same when someone we love passes.
I cared for my Grandfather during his final days. Even though I knew he was going to pass, I was devastated when it happened. We all grieve at a different pace. It is not a race. I promise, one day you will feel like doing something again. Take your time and grieve. You loved your cousin too much for this not to affect you.
We are all here for you. Please take care.
Carla

Julie Yerington said...

I am so very sorry. I cannot begin to know the pain you are going thru. I will remember you in my prayers.
Julie Yerington

lheiserman said...

I'm sorry for your pain. Here is a cyber hug. To everything there is a season, and those this may be your season for grief, you will have better seasons to come.

Klara said...

Jeanie, you have more friends than you know! We love you and we love your wonderful socks. It´s a terrible thing to lost somebody and I am so sorry to hear of your loss. But don´t forget; we are many friends out here for you, round the world. Probably more than you know. We don´t call, we just sit here and nest, cause we are the "ne(s)tfamily"! :0) HUGS HUGS HUGS from Sweden

Ginger Gargoyle said...

Jeanie I'm so sorry for your loss...I have gone thru the same thing with my crocheting. My mother taught me to crochet when I was 4--well okay she tossed the hooks at me and said "learn"--but she was also my crochet buddy through out high school and college. After she passed I found it really hard to get back into crocheting...it held many memories of her--I even started to see her hands in my own.
Give yourself some time dear, this will pass and you will find that you will want to make something special in his honor...perhaps a pair of biker socks...it will come back to you, just give yourself some time and work on little projects to start.

nana said...

Oh Jeanie, I just see now your blog entry and caught up on the mailinglist. I am so sorry for your loss and send warm hugs to you. I know it is not the same as real life people coming to visit and be with you in this time, but I want to do what I can from far away. Telling you that I think of you and wish you all you need to heal from this experience.

Your cousin will be with you in mind and memories, and may be able to comfort you when the time of grief is too much to bear.

greetings, nana.